He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
