When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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