Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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