my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
