theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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