i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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