K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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