Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
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