Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
