Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
