Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
