I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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