I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
