oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
No stitches, just platelets and will power
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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