Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
