fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
