ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
