FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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