Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
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