Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
