I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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