what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
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