It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
