Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
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