I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
