If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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