OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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