My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
