my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
