chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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