im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
My day in three words: secret purse cake
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
