You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
