Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
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Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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