The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
