you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
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