Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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