I skipped work to stalk him.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
