based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
