I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Randomize
