my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I wish there were birth control emojis
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Randomize
