I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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