yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
