Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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