Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
