I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
