I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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