we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
i believe in u and ur pee
Randomize
