would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Randomize
