Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
