she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
