You're so nebulous sometimes
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
