it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
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