This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
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