he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
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