Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
