I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
