Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
