he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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