what if every blade of grass was a penis?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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