i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
