He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
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I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
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drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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