He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
