thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
