there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Don't make out with my wife yet
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
