Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
