So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
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No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NoShamevember. You game?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
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