We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
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