I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
