Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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