call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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