I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
