I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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