Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
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